I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
