Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
