So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
