Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
