Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I checked into jail on foursquare
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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