I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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