We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
