We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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