I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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