Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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