I want to have your abortion
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
