It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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