ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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