why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
