I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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