I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
