no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
