the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
