I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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