dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
