Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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