before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
