; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
