I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
