I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
