Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
