what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
