I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize