Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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