i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
