Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
