just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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