Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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