i wish my penis had a tongue
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
