thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
even my farts smell like vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
