why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
