oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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