Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
