The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
