Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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