when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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