If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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