I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
