I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
