I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
