I can tuck mytits in my pants
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
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