Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
