we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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