You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
