Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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