I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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