Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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