he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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