tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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