Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
