I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
