You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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