i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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