Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
