Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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