The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how drunk are you?
Several
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
