Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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