Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
