Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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