Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize