Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize