Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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