from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
