i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize