Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
