Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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