so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
