I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
