Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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