I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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