Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
