Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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